red bird

In 2009 I decided to stop mucking about in fanstuff. I loved drawing it, but  I lost someone important to me in 2009.  She was, oddly enough, my doppelganger in a way. We shared similar histories, Asian parentage, similar career paths, and such. But she was way more confident about tossing that path for what she determined was the one she loved more.

She was a person of immense integrity, even more so in the artistic sphere.   I miss her terribly and miss her inspiration.

But she kicked me in the butt before she moved on from this world, and she and I said we’d be mostly playing with our own toys from now on, not those of others.

And the odd thing was when I was a kid, my sister and didn’t really have a lot of TV or popular media to draw our entertainment from.   We were largely    fine as kids inventing Dallas-type melodramas of our own with whatever poor toys happened to be handy. We were masters of story and puppetry as well as making up the most ridiculous sagas one can create for armies of bears and rabbits.

I didn’t need fandom.   I never even cared much about pop stars, movie stars, music stars, whatever…   our stories were way cooler. And somehow I had gotten way too immersed in it and caring about what was popular, and   in light of everything that happened in 2009, it was stupid.

But all this doesn’t really excuse the lack of art you know.   I think I doodled more, but painted far less. I think most of my pictures in 2011 came from sketches I did at conventions.   What happened?

In 2010, I went back to writing.   This was a conscious decision after man years of flip flopping.    As a creator, it is far easier for me to write and explain to you the dimensions of the sandbox, the rules we must retain within it, and who else is sitting there with you than it is to draw it.   I am simply NOT that quick or capable of showing you what I see in my mind.

In 2010, I started to travel for fun.   The biggest impact on me personally was a trip to Korea.   That trip resonated with who I am as a person. I saw an old, almost inexplicable beauty in my parents’ homeland and I realized I needed to see more of Asia to understand where I came from and who I am as a creator.

In 2011, the confirmation came that writing   was where I belonged.

I found the ability to work inside the schedule I have, using my phone or netbook or scraps of paper to craft at any time. This past year I even attempted to goad my poor Siri into taking dictation while I lolligagged in bed at night.

Moreover, response to my writing has been stronger than it has ever been for art.    While Deviantart and Tumblr have been environments of diminishing returns, the new works continue to grow in readership and the old ones still show they have a “tail.”   I’m gratified to find seven year old pieces of obscure fanfiction still floating around and fans still waiting for me to update them (auuugh), and other fans still waiting to stomp on me for ruining their favorite pairings xD.

And yet, I prefer artists… more open minded, more willing to acknowledge the talent of others, more willing to review, encourage, and be social.

The writing world is a very strange, insular one.   In many ways watching the e-book vs. print debates this past year has been nothing short of annoying.   As an outsider, and one who likes both my e-reader/smartphone and print options, it’s pretty obvious to me that these guys are arguing apples and oranges.   There will be no more “ONE CONTENT PLATFORM DELIVERY SYSTEM TO RULE THEM ALL.”

Let’s get real.   The way it works is that delivery constantly changes. You might have a dominant force, but there’s always a disruptive force waiting to mess with you.

So I don’t seem to really get these writers and the time they waste bickering. Maybe they like writing incendiary blogs to get pageviews, but in all seriousness, some of these folks are so full of vitriol and inflexibility that I now have no interest in reading their books.    Negative PR. Moving on.

So what about 2012

Well, 2011 threw me an additional curveball personally.    I think it’s time to stop playing casually.

I decided that other than Momocon and AWA, I will not pursue any artist alleys this year and likely the next year.   My goal is to finish the webnovel this year, work expediently to get it into e-book formats, and contemplate whether to make a limited print edition with illustrations in 2013. (Yes, a vanity press run with my own illustrations! Quel horreur!)

Each convention this year took away weeks of time from writing. As I got sideswiped with family matters in fall, I realized I lost a lot of mental creative time for half the year and was stressing out trying to get updates out on a weekly basis.

The reality is, 2011 was really confirmation that the tide has shifted away from AAs being a place that tries to benefit artists.   Many conventions have simply become too mercenary about making up shortfalls in revenue through the artists and blowing the table numbers out of whack.   There are still a few good ones out there, but the economy has not returned (yet) to where it was before the bottom fell out.   Worse yet, my peers no longer attend these conventions — even the ones who got me into the entire scene.

Where do you hope or expect to be at this time next year? Both artistically and otherwise? Are you excited for the new year?

I hope I will be able to say I’ve reached one of my goals or several.   If all goes well, I’ll make one huge trip to Asia this year and photograph the heck out of it.    No other travel this year… small trips are interesting, but I want there to really be something or someone at the other end to see. Travel is money.   Travel is also time, the   time I want to commit to accomplishing something with permanence. 2011 proved life is scarily short.   I still have a few things I want to scream into the creative void.

One of those things is that first novel.

And so, will be here supporting all my friends in the art world, cheering them on, helping them sort through life and stuff, but not going to be a road warrior anymore.

Have to do serious work. and hope that 2012 doesn’t throw more curveballs.

(Except maybe winning the lotto !   )