Corporate author: Kaikoku Hyakunen Kinen Bunka Jigyakai.
Title: Japanese culture in the Meiji era. / [Compiled by the Centenary Culture Council]
Publication info: Tokyo : Toyo Bunko, 1969.
General note: Reprint of 1955-1958 ed.
Contents: v. 1. Literature.–v. 2. Religion.–v. 3. Music and drama.–v. 4. Manners and customs.–v. 5. Life and culture.–v. 6. Society.–v. 7. Arts and crafts.–v. 8. Thought.–v. 9. Legislation.–v. 10. Outline of
Japanese history.
Various Types of Marriage:
Four general classifications
1> Oldest type: Man first begins to pay suit to woman and then, if accepted, sleeps with her at her house. After the families of the two agree to a formal marriage, the bridegroom takes a quantity of sake to the bride’s family and drinks it with them.
Subsequently, he continues to spend his nights at the bride’s house for a time before taking her to his home.
The drinking of sake constitutes the marriage ceremony.
The transfer of the bride to her new home depends on localities, but usually not until her husband became head of his family. (This could take several years.)
2> Ceremony first held in house of bridegroom. In this case, the selection of a mate was left to the young people, and when they had decided whom they preferred, the man began to stay at his girl’s house overnight. Subsequently, his family formally proposed marriage, and if it was agreed to, the young woman visited her husband’s house and confronted her new parents. This visit was called ashiire, or “putting the foot in.”
After this confrontation, the bride returned home and continued to work there, going to lend a hand at the bridegroom’s house only at busy times. The groom spent his nights by his bride’s side, and frequently had his evening meals at her house. After a number of years, she moved to his home, but there were various conditions that had to be satisfied before this took place, and in some instances it did not occur until the couple had two or three children.
3> The third form of marriage, in which the bride went from the beginning to live at her husband’s home, was first practiced by the warrior class, but it later spread among the common people and in the latter part of the Tokugawa period, it largely replaced the types mentioned above. It was clear by middle Meiji, nearly the whole country observed marriage forms that came under this head. The formal wedding ceremony used today was common, and the part played by the go-between was more important than previously.
4> A fourth type appeared in Meiji, in which the marriage celebration was as a rule held cooperatively by both the families concerned, and the couple subsequently set up a new and independent household. This type developed first in urban society, but is/was still relatively rare.
Throughout the era, the forms of marriage involving consent of the bride disappeared. The union between man and wife more often was arranged by parents.
The disappearance of Yobai
Yobai is the noun form of the verb yobau, which means to call continuously. A suitor would go at night to sleep at the house of his prospective bride. This was the proper method of securing a girl’s consent in the days when marriages involved the young man’s working for his bride’s family for a time.
It should be stressed that according to the ancient custom of yobai, a suitor did not ordinarily go to a woman’s house at night without her permission. The young man used one of a number of methods to show his intentions. As a rule, he secured the intercession of a friend, but often he instead made a pair of straw sandals or a basket and rope for the girl, and in many areas he merely gave her a hand cloth. The acceptance of this present was left to the woman’s own judgment. To take it meant agreement to the proposal, and that he was free to go to her at night. These simple presents were in effect tokens of a marriage agreement.
The yobai custom provided considerable freedom of association to young people, but though a small number of them may have abused the privilege, as a rule the severe limitations imposed by the constant surveillance of other young people prevented them from becoming very disorderly. As the practice of yobai came more and more to be considered wicked, the practice of yobai decreased. Simultaneously, the control exercised by young people’s associations grew weaker, and in fact yobai degenerated to the extent that it was little better than rape.
Go Betweens
There are many different kinds of go-betweens. As the youth groups grew weaker, more irresponsible, and parents felt less inclined to trust their judgement and hence the main reason for the appearance of the modern go-between.
The go-between had to deal with travel (in the case of long-distance marriage) and employ considerable diplomacy, ironing out differences, to “do everything but stand on his head to accomplish his purpose.”
The custom of using two go-betweens developed. The go-between at the wedding part, whose name went on the invitations, had no real function – often the work had been done by some less important person.
Sometimes the go-between would work with someone closer to the bride’s side. It was these two people who worked together to make sure that both families felt their voices were equally represented.
Originally go-betweens aimed not at renumeration, but simply at assisting the two houses to maintain their lineage or securing the happiness of the married couple. As a rule, however, when the family had requested a person to perform this difficult task, they rewarded him handsomely on its successful completion. According to strict etiquette, the family of the groom presented a fixed present of food and wine to the go-between as soon as the marriage ceremony was finished, but in actual practice most people added a certain amount of money. In many areas, the go-between was required by custom not to keep the payment all to himself, but to use part of it to give a party for the new couple and other persons concerned.
The interview between the Bride and Groom and the Exchange of Presents
The go-between’s main function before marriage was to arrange the interview between prospective bride and groom and to carry out an exchange of gifts between their families.
In rural areas, bridegroom and go-between would go the house of the bride. If he liked the girl, he drank some of the hot water being prepared for tea and in some cases made the final arrangements then and there. (Some areas, he’d leave behind a fan or something of the sort when taking leave.)
In the Meiji era, people in cities began sending photographs before the interview took place. City people also began holding the interview in parks, theaters, or restaurants.
When the interview had ended and both parties had made up their minds, the go-between, acting on the part of the groom, sent a present of wine or tea to the bride’s family. The gift was known by such names as “hand-clasping wine” (tejie-no-sake) or “hardening wine” (katame-zake). Once it had been accepted, the engagement could not be broken except under very special circumstances.
Yuino, signifies these presents, originally meant simply the token of a bond, and it referred specifically to the food and wine on which the families feasted to celebrate their alliance.
The go-between assumed an important role in the yuino, leading the groom the bride’s home, where the latter gave his gift. As time went on, clothing and other articles, including money, were substituted for the wine. In many areas it was customary for the bride’s family to return half of the gift.
The Ceremony and the Reception
The wedding ceremony included many small rites.
1. The greeting of the bride: On the day of the wedding, the custom in many areas was for the bridegroom to visit the parents of the bride. As a rule the go-between and possibly several of the bridegroom’s relatives accompanied him. At the bride’s house there was a feast, and the groom drank sake with the bride’s parents in token of their union. Often other relatives of the bride participated. Afterwards the bridegroom took bride to his house or returned alone, leaving the go-between to bring the bride after completing their preparations.
2. The departure of the bride: Frequently, the bride’s family had a large farewell party on the day before the wedding. When the bride was finally on the point of leaving her house, she bowed before the miniature Buddhist altar and had a farewell cup of sake with her family. Sometimes they all had a light meal together. When the bride departed, a fire was built at the gate and the teacup she had last used was thrown on the ground and broken. The fire was evidently intended to symbolize the cutting off of the road that might lead her back home. Frequently the bride’s family comforted themselves after her departure with more eating and drinking.
3. The delivery of the bride: The place for handing the bride over to the groom varied. It appears that the ancient practice was for the parents to deliver her personally when the bridegroom called at their house. Often, the bridal party stopped another house on the way, where the groom came to receive his wife (middle house or oya-kata). (Sometimes this was the house of the go-between.)
4. The bride’s trousseau: When a girl married someone in her own community, she only took a small number of personal belongings. When it was a long-distance marriage, the trousseau was large and required a good deal of attention. Parents tried to provide their daughters with as much as possible. Sometimes it was sent one day before the wedding, sometimes one month afterwards. As a general rule, it was carried by a vanguard of the bridal procession, and the bearers sang songs and swaggered energetically to make the most of the occasion
5. The bridal procession: She rode a rickshaw if she lived in the city, or if a country lass a sedan chair or horse. In any case, her vehicle was bedecked with pretty flowers and other ornaments. The go-between, also on horseback, preceded the bride, while the others walked.
6. The entry of the bride: The bride usually arrived at her new home in the evening. In cities, she usually walked into the main room of the groom’s house with the guests. But in the country, she would enter alone through a separate door, and be given a wine cup from which she took a drink of water. Often she was required to pass over a small fire by the gate. (Sometimes she would be whacked on the posterior with a straw bundle, or her head covered with a kettle lid – these all have to do with the kitchen god, god of the hearth, etc.)
7. The bridal cup: Bride and groom each takes 3 sips of sake from each of a set of three sake cups. This ceremony was one used by the warrior class initially. Often the groom (in rural areas) was absent as the families had already sealed their agreement (leaving the bride and her in-laws to perform a sake drinking ritual).
8. The reception: “Publicity act designed to gain community approval.” Gifts were given to neighbors and friends of the husband’s family. Hand towels, tea, boxes of rice cooked with red beans, tobacco, dolls, rice crackers… sake. In cities, houses were too small to host a great crowd of guests, so the reception was often held in a restaurant.
Divorce
A man could make a formal written declaration against his wife and return her to her family. A go-between was required as a witness, but the wife had no recourse. The return of her population registration or her personal belongings to her former home constituted a final separation.
Historical evidence suggests that written declarations were limited to the upper class, and that the common folk… the rights of the patriarch were not absolute and “there were fairer means of divorce.”
In Iwate Prefecture either the bridegroom or bride could effect a separation by presenting the other with a casket of sake and letting them know the marriage was off.
And if you don’t want to read the rest….
Helpful links:
Japanese Wedding Customs
http://www.weddingsatwork.com/culture_customs_japanese.shtml
Japanese Bridal Kimono
http://www.japaneseweddingfavors.com/wedding_kimono.htm
How to Plan a Japanese Wedding
http://www.ehow.com/how_5481_japanese-wedding.html
How to exchange Yui-no gifts
http://www.ehow.com/how_5992_exchange-yui-gifts.html
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